In my first blog post I wrote a short synopsis of my recent detour from art school. I came across this writing I did in December about an internal struggle I had been dealing with, and thought I should share.
Sometimes I feel like I have two separate people living inside my body. Both are really selfish! One wants to have babies, buy a house, travel, and settle down. She wants the house-wife-all-american-dream. The other wants to get a masters degree and move to the west coast. She wants to travel the world to show her art and see a history of masters. She wants to devote her life to her art. But which one am I supposed to be? Do I dedicate my life to creativity or to motherhood? I see no way to do both. As much as women have the empowerment to do whatever they want in life, it still comes down to biology. You can’t be a full-time artist, have kids in your late 30s, and still be able to dedicate life to creativity. It has to be one or the other.
One or the other.
That’s within me…then I have outside of me. Family, money, my husband’s education, my husbands goals, expectations of others.
Yet there is a little bird that continues to whisper in my ear.
Yes you can.
In my second post I addressed how to flip your mind from abusive to encouraging. When I read this I can identify every negative voice and every encouraging voice. I know myself.
I also know how black and white my brain is. Grey matter (punny) is extremely difficult to come by in my brain. It is a constant struggle of finding a healthy balance.
One thing I have realized recently is I do not have to settle for one or the other. I really can have it all, and there are many paths I can take to get there. Right now I am working on the alternate route that works best for me. I have no fear of the future or others’ expectations. Instead I rejoice in the newness of it all and the versatility of my dreams. I have a sense of adventure and awareness. Many roads can get me to my destination. It’s time for me to take the pressure off of myself; it’s time for all of us to take the pressure off of ourselves.
As Kurt Cobain says:
All in all is all we are
The most amazing God experience happened last night! I had been feeling distressed; not sure if my decision to quit school was smart or rash. Was it more constructive or destructive? I felt like God wasn’t helping me. He wasn’t guiding me, and I couldn’t feel him or hear him. I felt like a lost sheep that the Shepard had forgotten about. In my despair I started talking to God; asking him to let me hear him. Tears streaming down my face a book and verse popped into my head. After reading it I was guided to my portals of prayer which was titled “better worrier”. I had that feeling that I have in church occasionally that this was made just for me. I realized that I had not been asking God for help with my struggles, I had not been asking for what I want or depending on him. I stopped going to church, stopped reading the bible, stopped praying. No wonder I felt lost! So last night I gave it all up to the Lord. I cried and praised him. I told him I wanted to finish my degree and I asked him to please take this tension and pain away from me.
And you know what happened next…
My back felt like someone was hugging me from behind and suddenly all my tension and pain drained from my body.
God is so good!
I wanted to share this article I came across this morning because it is such a great reminder that maybe we can’t handle everything and maybe we don’t understand everything, but God has got our backs! We don’t need to be able to handle everything or understand everything, because he asks us to let him do all the leg work. All we need to do is praise him and glorify his name with our time on this earth.
Wishing you all a blessed day!
(PS with God’s strength and help I will be continuing my degree. My help comes from the Lord!)
Read the article “Plan” in the link below!
“The most important lesson that I have learned is to trust God in every circumstance. Lots of times we go through different trials and following God’s plan seems like it doesn’t make an…
Find your ‘hum’ in the little things and it will transcend into the big things. Take time to take care of yourself!
I hope you enjoy this article and soak in all the joy you can!
Shonda Rhimes says that one word “saved my career.” Find out what it was, and how it helped.
Source: Shonda Rhimes’ message at TED2016: Say ‘yes’ to what scares you, even if it’s saying ‘no’ to work
Have you ever beaten yourself up? Of course you have! We have an uncanny ability to ruthlessly ruminate on our shortcomings. Have you ever tried to denounce those thoughts? Challenging your inner voice is no easy task, however, recovering from my mental illness has given me the tools I need to “flip my mind”. Such skill has allowed me to value and advocate for myself.
So today I have a challenge for you! I want you to make a list of negative adjectives. For this exercise they need to be key negative descriptors that you use to describe yourself. Then I want you to go to thesaurus.com and type in those words one at a time. With each word synonyms (same) and antonyms (opposites) of those words will be returned. I then want you to write down on your list next to the negative word your favorite antonym.
*Note: Sometimes our descriptors do describe characteristics about ourselves but the words we choose to use have a negative association. In a case where the antonym doesn’t apply check out the synonym list for a more positive descriptor. For example, one of my negative words is impulsive. An antonym is planned, but even though I can be careful at times I usually make decisions upon instinct so antonyms don’t apply. My favorite synonym would be passionate or intuitive.
Keep this list handy so the next time your inner voice puts you down you can build yourself up by using the antonym list. Here is an example of mine!
Did you have a hard time flipping your mind? Feel free to comment for help!
Impulsive// Passionate or intuitive (synonym)
Flaky// Unconventional (synonym)
At Broken Light Collective, a community of artists thousands strong support one another in using photography to cope with mental illness.
Source: “With Photography There Is No Stigma”: Turning a Lens on the Challenges of Mental Illness
I’ve been struggling with a lot of back and forth with my decision making lately. Worries about how my decisions will affect my future are weighing heavy on my mind. By the grace of God I stumbled upon this article that gave me the peace I needed. If you are feeling unsettled as well I hope this article brings you some rest!
Good night all!
Click Here To Read
I want my blog to not only be positive but to be all inclusive. With that being said I am calling bloggers who would be interested in a feature to email me a link to no more than 5 of their blog posts. Posts must be positive and inspirational. I will pick posts that are inspirational stories, tips to mental health, motivational topics, and success stories. If you are not sure if your post would qualify please email me and I will let you know. The first feature will be on March 11 and all requests must be in by March 7th at 11pm CST to be considered. I will email you back if your post(s) have been selected, and once I run out of features I will hold another submission date.
Please email feature submissions to:
with the subject line: Feature Friday: Round 1
I can’t wait to read all your wonderful posts!
Don’t look for praise, don’t look for approval, don’t chase claps, coins or credit. All of that will come by. I would tell you to focus on where you want to reach. But I don’t know where I want to reach either, if you do please do. But if you are like me, and have no idea where you want to be, just follow that ache in your chest, work like crazy on the stupidest thing with no scope ahead, just do it because you will reach somewhere rather than standing there useless. And most likely it will lead you to the right road. You don’t have to be afraid of failing because“You never fail until you stop trying” – Albert Einstein.
Source: Giving up on Your dream? You need to read this!
This past summer I met the most amazing woman who I am happy to now call my friend. She has been such an inspiration for me on my journey as a survivor, woman, and artist! In part this blog is all because of her and her beautiful soul! Every year she chooses a word of intention instead of creating a stressful list of New Year resolutions that always seem to start strong then leave us feeling shamed and unsuccessful. This year I chose the word brave and gave myself permission to say yes, without fear, to the things that set my soul on fire!
What set my soul on fire in January left me drained and cold in February. I went through a period of feeling like a failure, much like the feeling of dropping a New Year resolution. I felt lost, betrayed by my own heart, and confused as to why my path seemed to be changing. I had started my second semester back in college after battling a severe mental break, and I felt charged; ready to smash my goals! Then I started getting migraines- severe stress induced migraines. My brain was having a hard time keeping up with the pace of art school and my mental health began suffering. I knew I had to make a change, but what about what I set out to do this year? I can’t just give up on my intention!
Then it hit me. Brave. I needed to be brave enough to trust God, trust myself, trust that it would be alright to take a different path. I needed to be brave and take care of myself. I chose to see dropping out of school this semester as an act of self-love instead of failing.
I came across this quote on Facebook the other day that has helped encourage me to be kind to myself:
“Take a deep breath. Get present in the moment and ask yourself, what is most important this very second.”
Be kind to yourselves, be present, and be brave! Today I challenge you to reflect on what is weighing heavy on your heart. Ask yourself what is most important right now, and be confident knowing you have the power to make a change.Not because you failed but because you chose compassion!